Revision Fear

I'm writing the first draft of my screenplay.  I'm pushing through.  At times, it seems like I've hit the wall and it's impossible to go on, but I keep pushing.  And pretty soon, I only have three scenes left.  Then two.  Then one.  The first draft is done!  And it's good!  Crack out the champagne.  Take deep, joyous breaths of relief.  Satisfactorily set the script aside, while someone, usually Hubs, reads it and gives constructive criticism.  Let the script sit for a week.  Maybe two or three.

During this sitting time, with almost every screenplay I write, a dark cloud of doubt begins to hover over me.  What if when I reread this first draft it sucks?  I know it didn't suck when I was writing it.  I'm not lacking in the confidence department.  I think it's essential for a writer to believe in himself.  How else are you going to handle all the rejection that's going to come along? 

But despite my confidence, I have an almost debilitating fear that when I read the script again it will be terrible, I will hate it, and fixing it will be a chore not worth completing.  This leads to the draft sitting longer, and the fear further developing.  Of course, when I actually swallow my dread and force myself to read it, the script is always fine.  Yeah, sure, it has problems.  It's a first draft.  But the dialogue is snappy.  The structure is semi-sound.  I smiled when reading some of the scenes.  I remember how good finishing that scene felt.  Why, oh why, was I so afraid that rereading you was going to make myself question my dreams of becoming a paid screenwriter?

I don't know. 

Maybe I should set a shorter time span between finishing the first draft and starting the second.  I like to have a little distance from the script so I can hopefully be more objective, but this approach seems to be backfiring.  I think I need to set an exact date to start my second draft when I finish the first draft.  I'm going to try that with my next feature.